Doing

An irritation amid sabbatical is the feeling that erupts, particularly during the evening, that I ought to be going somewhere or doing something other than hanging out. I reckon that part of the feeling is guilt. I am accustomed to spending three evenings during any given work week busy with church activities. When this is coupled with activities the children are involved in during the school year, I really am not home very often on weeknights. To be home more often, then, leads me to feel sort of empty - like I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing.

I suspect that the feeling is a shadow of what a meth addict feels like when he/she does not have ready access to the drug: achy, exceptionally dissatisfied, panicky. Though I am essentially a homebody, evidence points to my having been converted into an activity junkie. I do not feel normal until I get my fix.

The Lord lavishes wisdom on us at the end of Psalm 46: "Be still, and know that I am God" (v.10a). Translation: "Stop moving. Stop your incessant motion and non-stop plotting. Quiet your worries and anxieties. Just be. Just be and accept that I am here with you and have everything under control. All of your activities do not cause me to love you more nor do they eliminate your problems (in context, win you the war). They do nothing but buy you personal satisfaction and admiration in the eyes of your peers which is nary more than getting your fix. For your health - stop. Let me take care of stuff. Listen. Receive my Spirit. Rest in me. Ingest my Word. Trust me."

A new discipline for me during sabbatical: to simply sit quietly with the Lord when I am feeling compelled to do something by virtue of guilt or over-functioning as opposed to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. It seems likely that this discipline is not just for moments of sabbatical but for all of life.

Jesus modeled nesting with God in the Garden of Gethsemane as he slipped away to pray alone despite his understanding of the grave suffering to come. He prayed, "Yet not as I will, but as you will" (Mt.26:39c) and "...may your will be done" (26:42b). Was Jesus tempted to take matters into his own hands, to call down twelve legions of angels to smite his enemies? Certainly. Was he tempted to do something? Yes. Did he? No. And his Father's will was done.

I hope to learn how to rest in the Father's will.

~ Jeff